I had signed up for a meditation retreat, and I was on the wait list. I had the time kind of booked off for me, which is a lot to manage — my wife changing her work schedule, lining up more childcare, all this stuff. And in the end I decided I didn’t want to go on the retreat. I just wanted to go camp on my own in Oregon where I grew up, and just run and fish.
On the trip I realized I couldn’t have met my needs in a better way. I could just exactly follow what I wanted to do, and I only had to take care of my own needs. It was so wonderful.
I camped at this really beautiful spot by Haystack Reservoir. Super quiet and beautiful – with a million birds. In the mornings I would do a big run. In the afternoons I would go fly fishing on the Crooked River, which is where I grew up learning to fish. I fished there with my dad and my grandfather, starting when I was about ten years old.
I thought I’d call lots of friends and reconnect with people. In the end I realized I didn’t want to talk to anyone. I enjoyed chitchatting with people on the trails and on the river, but I just needed to do me. I haven’t done anything like this since before we had kids — about seven years ago I did this amazing three week road trip a couple months before we had our first kid. This felt like a taste of that, except I feel more mature and more wise.
Something felt really nourishing about not talking to my friends or my family, even though I love them all. I listened to two albums over and over again — one by William Prince and one by Josh Ritter. The Josh Ritter one was so nice. It’s called Sermon on the Rocks. I just had time and space. So, so wonderful.
Each morning I would wake up and walk a little bit and then make a coffee on my stove and sit and drink it in total peace, listening to the birds. And when I felt like moving on, I moved on. It was so simple and so wonderful.
The running just happened to coincide with feeling a major shift in my decades old achilles tendinopathy – so I was able to do four really legit runs in a row. One was really cool up South Sister — I turned around because it was too steep and the snow was too firm, and I was just in my running shoes, but I got pretty high up on the mountain. Then two runs at Smith Rock where they just felt so good. And then my last one was on the way home at Mount Hood. A really cool run. Really beautiful. I could see people summiting Hood. It was so good.
I wish this for every parent and anyone that needs it. It was so nourishing.
